TOM FALCO ON HOLLYWOOD


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	TOM FALCO ON HOLLYWOOD hello everyone my name is a tom falco and I am a professional freelance journalist. when this man asked me to write journals for his website I leaped at the chance! I fell on the ground because I actually leaped because I was so exited! I don't remember the mans name (I think it was maybe Ronald) that gave me this great opportunity but I would like to thank him. thank you! here is the article I would like to call tom falco on Hollywood. I'm not really on top of Hollywood though. I think that's a metaphor which is a very high tech writing thing that professionals use. it means that I am writing about Hollywood. that means movies for those who don't know!
hoo boy its been a long time since i've written reviews!! i must be as rusty as the tin man from wizard of oz and wizard of oz 2 when the wicked witch came back for seconds (i wrote that one so it's not a real movie YET!!!!) but you know what they say about riding a bike you never forget (like an elephant) (elephants can't learn to ride bikes though but it would be funny if they could!!!) batman begins! okay first i should tell you i never seen a batman movie before because they all looked pretty scary to me on the previews (which they call trailers because of i don't know why maybe they leave trails for you to follow to the movie theater!! not likely right!!!) except i saw a movie called batman forever which might have been a batman movie. i enjoyed this movie ALOT!!!! heres how the movie goes batman goes to ninja school because his parents died and the ninjas teach him to be a ninja too (but hes a better ninja than them and they get so jealous that their eyes glow and steam probably comes out their ears!!!! (i made that part up about the steam) and then batman goes back to gotham city (get it got ham city!!! hahaha davey made that joke and i couldn't stop laughing and peopel got mad at me so i tried to explain the joke to them but they just didn't get it!!!) and beats up ALL the bad guys there are and talks to a boring girl. oh yeah and alfred too!!!! and then batman goes to see a scientist (the guy who was in that movie about the angel who always says "i like pickles!!! give me pickles!!!" or maybe he was a monster not an angel anyway he got shot and it was sad and davey said "looks like no more pickles for that guy!" and it made me stop crying a little and laugh) and i think the scientist was the old batman because he had all the batman supplies to last a lifetime!! batsuit, batmobile and more!!!! and then batman fought the bad guys like scaregrow who looks friendly until he puts on his magic mask!! it makes him look like a hideous potato bag!!! and then i dont remember what happened for a while OH RIGHT! batman casts a spell and turns into megabatman where he is very scary and drooly but he's still a good guy so its okay. and then he drives the batmobile all over the roof!!!! on the ride home davey started swerving all over the road and said, "look at me i'm batman! now i'm gonna jump all over the roof in my batmobile!!!" and then i said "cut out davey!!! you're scaring me!!!" and then he turned and looked at me like a villian and it was really scary and i fell off the bike!!! oh right and then batman beats up the bad guys and he casts a flying spell and makes his eyes glow and the beard guy casts a spell that makes zombies ALL OVER and scaregrow rides his magic horse away!!! in conclusion i think batman begins is the batman forever of our times!!! EXCEPT NO QUESTION MARK MAN (RIGGLER)!!! sisterhood fo the traveling pants! i didn't understand this movie AT ALL!!! i think it was about a new kind of pants that was invented by some girls. i found that VERY HARD to believe. i believe we have already invented all the pants technology in the world!! believe me these girls were no scientists! this is the type of science fiction which is very hard to take serious!! two thumbs up!! war of the worlds! i didn't see this yet! davey went to see it with his girlfriend (her name is abby and davey wont let me meet her because he thinks i'll steal her away from him probably!!) and he told me the story of the movie (i forget it though) and he also drew a picture of the alien for me!! here i'll show you!!! ha ha! davey you trickster drew me in the movie!! only now i am the victim of the alien's scary fire gun!! davey's not very good at drawing but that's okay because he's not a professional drawer he's a singer and a songwriter!!! maybe he should write a song about the movie instead (i'll remember to tell him that!) i give war of the worlds two thumbs down because davey gets the girl and i am being burned alive!!!! thats all the movies they're showing at the movie theater near my house and i don't remember how to get to the theater at the other side of town so that's all the reviews i'm going to write now. maybe i'll write more next month for all the new movies like star wars is coming out i think! goodbye!!! BACK!
holy cow its been a long time since I wrote for my article! (because I was stuck in a closet and then the police thought I was a man name Hugh)!!! I've seen lots of moves in the time since I last wrote here! I think four or even five of them!!! I don't rember most of them (I think one was about a airplain and it crashed into a farmer. two thumbs up!) but now it is the summer season again and all the good movies come out now and also I got my money from that time I got hit by a car so I can afford to go see them!! here are the movies I seen!!! matrix reloaded holy moly this movie was very exiting!! and also confusing a lot too!! like the man who their was a lot of (asian smith( who boy I would hate to be his mother and give birth to all those twins!!! she was probably very fat when she was preganant. there was also the other twins (there are a lots of twins in this movie like the movie about twins with the killer who was a twin and he killed other twins but I don't remember why and I think the guy from star wars played a twin that died) they went threw walls like ghosts!!! it scared me a lot so I was glad when they got shot by the ghost gun. neon is one very strong superhero. he can fly like a helicopter or punch guys so hard they die!! and then trinity wears tight pants that look pretty and is very romantic with neo like kissing and even having sex. and there is a dance seen where every one dances and it was so fun that I even danced a little myself until a guy named mr. ugly (which is what I names him) told me to stop dancing and I cried and I missed part of the movie. also there is an exiting car driving scene where they blow up a lot of cars (I counted and they blow up 1400000 cars) and then neo sees the beard man and he has a lot of tvs where it has a tv show about neo on them. pirates of the caribbein this is a movie about dirty sailors who turn into monsters. the main pirate (I think he was also in the movie where he played a police ghost who shot at aliens or something) was very funny! the story was too complicated for me to understand but I liked the pretty boats. oh yeah also the special affex were very good I almost believed I was actually at sea and I even got seasick!!! I missed part of the movie because I needed to go get new popcorn after I made throw up in mine but I asked davey what I missed and he said that the lady did kung fu on the pirates and they were really robots in disguise! I said "davey I think you are pulling my leg!" and he laughed and said something in french or something. in conclusion I enjoyed this swashbucketing tale and it was very a surprising twist that the pirates were robots!!! two thumbs up! die another day I saw this movie on dvd (which is short for david I think)! you can watch dvds in your very own home just like tv!!! its a revolution of movies I think. this is a james bond movie who is a famous spy!!! like austin powers but no minnie me. I saw a james bond movie before (it had a man with long fingers that liked to eat famous jewels and james bond punched him and said "eat these fingers, bum!!!" or something. maybe the guy ate fingers too.) this movie was very exiting!!!! I liked the part where james bond pushed the wheelchair guy into the wall and he fell over!!!! the bad guy was very scary because he had things on his face and I dont know what they were!! that is called fear of the unknown like when you pick up the phone and the person says hello and you don't know who it is and your scared to death!! then I tried to call the police to tell them about the mystery caller but when I tries to dial 911 the person was just like HELLO!!! IS ANYONE THERE!!! STOP DIALING PLEASE!! and I hid in my bedroom until the morning. thank you for reading my article! tune in next time (that means read this article) and I will review movies like freddy vs. james and gigly! as long as I find the coupons I lost for the movie theater. I think I might have dropped them in my soup and ate them by accident. BACK!
august 16 2002 wow! what an exiting time to be alive in the word of Hollywood and movies!! I'm not sure why but I find it very exiting!!! maybe it is the new vanilla coke they sell at the grandplex movie theater by my house. I don't buy it because I am lactose intolerant but it is sure exiting to have so much more choice!!! here's what happened lately in the land of movies and just movies. signs!! I saw this movie and it scares the jesus out of me!! the corn monster was so scary I spilt my popcorn everywhere when I jumped out of my seat because I was so scared!!!!!!! its probably good too because I am very scared of corn now!!! even popcorn! you will be too so maybe you should eat all the corn on the cob and creamed corn and popcorn and regular corn and corn from a can you want now before you see the movie because after you will see corn and scream and think there are monsters in it (there maybe are!!!!)!!!! I think mel gibson was very good as the father because he hugged the children like a father should do and he also disciplined them as well which is good so they aren't brats like the kids in the movie theater that kept going "boogle moogle!!!!" and I got so mad that I almost threw my popcorn all over the place in rage but I dropped it earlier when the corn monster scarred me. it was very scarey. which is good if you bring a girlfriend with you and she will cuddle you in fear!!! then you say to her"hey baby I wont let any corn monsters hurt you an inch if you kiss me." that's what my friend davey told me (about to say that to a girl not for me to kiss him!)!! in conclusion I say two thumbs for signs but two thumbs down for the hairy children that were very loud in the movie theatre. they looked like tiny bigfoots. that would make one scarey movie too!!!! number two on the agenda is goldmember! this was an exciting spy movie that was also a comedy! I think it might have been funny but I don't remember!! I fell asleep because the night before I found a piece of corn on the floor in my bedroom and I couldn't fall asleep or else the corn monster would eat me and make me into corn!! later I found out it wasn't corn it was a yellow sock. I didn't think there was a yellow sock monster but I checked on the internet anyway. what I found scared me to the bone (even a little on the inside of my bones which is called narrow). searching for sock monster found me this. I have never been more afraid in my entire life!!!! the sock monster is very real and look like a rat cat!!! I couldn't sleep for the whole night and could only sleep in the movie theater (I wasn't wearing socks so I was safe). I also haven't slept in four days since then!!! in conclusion I liked the part where dr. evil starts rapping with minnie me!!! two thumbs up!! that's a rap! (that's what they say in Hollywood it means go home!) I hope you enjoyed the first issue of tom falco on Hollywood!!! I know I sure did!!!! except for writing it. I wanted to go to the supermarket instead. I like going to the cold freezer and tricking everyone into thinking I'm smoking with my breath!!!! BACK!

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